abbymackers

12 rounds and out…

Everyday we are faced with constant battles. Life throws itself in front of us, willing us to rise to the challenge but just as easily knocking us down. For the strong and capable life is fuel pushing forward the mind and soul making them stronger and fitter. But for the weak, life’s battles can be arduous and threatening and, most concerningly, destructive. Every person is born with an innate sense of being, either weak or strong, and life is about management.

I am a weak soul. My tolerance to criticism is low. My ability to see myself as worthwhile is extremely limited and my sense of appreciation for what other people tell me is non existent. The world is out to get me, there is little truth in life’s positivities and I am passing time until my purpose is warranted. The thoughts invade my mind, cloud my judgement and create more battles than I need or care to rise to. Every day is a struggle, cemented by the challenge that seeming “ok” breaks my heart. I can’t see past it, can’t adapt or modify or change this version of myself to make it better, easier, more palatable. And with that has come the greatest dawning of all. We can change ourselves- our actions and words and deeds, our behaviours and opinions. What we can not do, and shouldn’t even try, is to change our mindset. For in doing so, we change the one thing that makes us real. I am weak, my mind is my greatest enemy and yet my greatest friend, the tool to my salvation. I hope to improve my thoughts, feel better about myself, accept the compliments paid to me, acknowledge the negative and part with them easily. I hope all of these things will become easier and achievable but I don’t hope to change. For without hope there is no expectation, no disappointment. What I have offers more than the strongest of minds, I have understanding. As yet my understanding is a process, albeit time consuming and difficult, it is enjoyable and educating.

Life’s battles are set to test us, to ensure we are living and reaping the most out of life that we can. We are regularly reminded to choose battles carefully, to live the lessons learned. For a weak mind, everything is a battle, we create battles from insignificancies in every day life- the world is the epitome of our fears but knowledge is power and acceptance is our strength.

I am weak, small minded and self critical. For the first time in my life I can accept this. And I am proud of it. Because no matter how weak I seem by comparison to the next person, I have an understanding of myself that condemns even the toughest battles.

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This entry was published on April 2, 2014 at 9:08 pm. It’s filed under Life, mental health, well being and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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